


Start Again

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben Solo Lives, Fix-It, Force Healing, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Related, LITERALLY, M/M, Palpatine Is Anakin Skywalker’s Father, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey Skywalker, Slow Burn Darkpilot, ben solo redemption
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:07:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24869623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Ben survives Exegol, and begins his long path to redemption.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5
Collections: Darkpilot Songbook





	Start Again

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Halfway inspired by “Start Again” by Red, halfway inspired by...bits and pieces: https://youtu.be/P8oc-v1HMkY
> 
> Thank you to my sibling for sending me this video. I love you, T. You are amazing. ❤️

“Ben.”

Rey’s voice. Her eyes, bright and full of life, her, sitting up, animated. It had worked. A technique Ben had rudimentary knowledge of had worked. She moved forward, as if to kiss him —

“No.” Gently, he pushed her away. She was enamored with him, there was no doubt, but he couldn’t give her what she wanted. He could still remember Palpatine gloating about creating his grandfather.

” _I made every part of you, boy. But she is more of me than you are. You have no place in this story. You come from nothing. You_ are _nothing._ ”

“Ben?” she said. Sounding so confused now, like she did on the _Supremacy_. Long ago, when he was stupid and blinded by power. 

And he was weakening, besides. Weakening. Giving his life force to save Rey...it had weakened him. It was all right. He could rest now. Rey was all right. He could join his family, and pray for their forgiveness.

In the Force, they wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. 

But...

 _Ben_.

His mother’s voice. Strong and certain as he knew it. 

_I did so much wrong with you, Ben. I failed to protect you. But if I can do this one thing right..._

Life force. His mother was already so weak, and she was pouring her life force into him...

”No!” His voice came out a rasp. “Mother..."

_Let me, Ben. There were so many things I did wrong with you.  
_

_”_ It’s suicide...”

_Sacrifice is not suicide. Besides, my time has grown short as it is. I knew it when I reached out to you. I did my share of terrible things and you did yours, but I would have no one other as my son.  
_

”Mother..."

 _I’ll be with you, Ben. No one’s ever really gone_. 

Cold stone. Sensation. He was alive. He staggered to his feet, disbelieving, reeling. 

”It’s Leia,” Rey said. “She...gave her life force for you, didn’t she?”

”For a man who didn’t deserve it.”

”Stop that,” Rey said. “She gave you a second chance to live. To redeem yourself. You’re not going to get anywhere by wallowing in self-pity.”

She had a point. Ben supposed. 

”I destroyed her life. So many lives. Rey...I never told you about Poe Dameron, did I?”

”Poe didn’t tell me much about himself.” Rey said. Then, “Were you and him...”

The dyad had broken with Rey’s temporary death; Ben could feel its absence, like something that was supposed to be there but wasn’t. But she seemed to feel everything that he’d felt for Poe. Every bit of affection, every bit of adoration. Because Poe had been _Poe,_ and he had been one of the pinpricks of light (no, a brilliant meteor shower) in his life. 

”Oh, Ri’ia, Ben, why didn’t you tell me?” Rey said. 

”There was a lot I didn’t mention." Then, “There’s something you have to know. About you and me. When Palpatine revealed your identity...he gloated about creating my grandfather. You’re Anakin’s niece, and my mother and uncle’s cousin. My cousin too, technically.”

Rey looked like she had been struck speechless. Tears, welling up in her eyes. “I thought it was romantic feelings,” she said. “Now...maybe there was something else connecting us. On Ach-To. You felt familiar, somehow. And the fact you were as lonely as I was..." She swallowed. “I did want to take your hand. Ben’s hand.”

She hugged him. Ben was startled as to how to react right then and there; he hadn’t been hugged in years. Seven years. He’d wasted so much time. 

”You weren’t nothing,” he said. “I’m sorry, Rey. I’m sorry for everything.”

Rey drew away. “I know.” Then, “You could come with me. Back to the Resistance. Forming a new Jedi Order with me.”

He could. And yet...

”I have work to do,” Ben said. “Taking down First Order garrisons. They’re on other occupied planets.”

”You can’t be serious,” Rey said. “You’d abandon me? And Poe? The man you _love_?”

“I don’t want to leave either of you,” Ben said. “I love Poe. And you, Rey...I don’t want you to feel like you lost your family again. I know how much that means to you. But...I have to work for my redemption. To earn everyone’s forgiveness. Besides...the First Order’s still out there."

Rey nodded. “I won’t deny it hurts, Ben," she said. "But..." She sighed. "I know you’ll do what you need to.”

”Darth Revan once said that the journey to redemption is a work in progress,” Ben said. A beat. “I remember I loved the story of him and Bastila as a boy. It's just a pity my own Revan is miles apart.”

”You’ll have plenty of work to do to make it work,” Rey said. “But it’ll be fixed.” She hugged Ben tightly. “May the Force be with you.”

”See you around, kid,” Ben said. 

***

Rey only broke down after the celebration was over. She knew why Ben had to leave, but in her mind, she thought of a girl, five years old, left on Jakku. Her parents were dead, her grandfather was dead (the woman she was knew him full well for who he was, but the little girl mourned the grandfather she could have had), and two out of three cousins were dead. Finn was the one who found her, along with Poe. 

”Rey?” Finn said. “What happened?”

Rey explained. As best she could. “I — I just feel like I lost my family all over again,” she said. “I know I didn’t know him like Poe did...”

”Hey.” Poe sounded uncharacteristically gentle now. Rey supposed she could see the man who had been the first to treat Finn with kindness after twenty-three years of abuse. “You lost your family. All over again. You feel what you feel. And...Palpatine’s completely unworthy of being called your family. He may be your grandfather, Rey, but he ain’t your grandpa.”

Rey smiled at him, a bit watery. “When did you get nice?” she joked. 

”Hey, I figured now’s the time to call a truce." Poe became more serious as he said, “Your family in general’s gone through a lot, Rey. I’m sorry.”

”Not your fault.” Rey took a shaky breath. “I was thinking...considering that Luke and Leia’s bodies aren’t there to bury, I could find a good place to bury their lightsabers. Not Tatooine; Leia didn’t have good memories of it.”

”Luke didn’t either,” Poe said. “From what he told me.” A beat. “Leia lived on Chandrila for some time with Han and...Ben.” He sounded like he was trying to get used to that name again. “You could bury her lightsaber there.”

Rey smiled. “That’s a good place to start.”

”And Luke’s?” Finn said. 

Rey paused. Then, “Ach-To. That was where he wanted to die. Where he died. I suppose it’s a fitting tribute as any."

***

The three of them took two trips. One was Ach-To, where Rey made a makeshift monument to Luke, his lightsaber buried there. The other was Chandrila, and Rey didn’t miss the look on Poe’s face — that look of shock that he’d been away so long. 

”I remember this place,” Poe said. “Every ocean. Every rock...”

Finn placed a hand on his shoulder. Squeezed. Rey turned to him, nodded. 

She buried Leia’s lightsaber by the shore. Erected a monument. And it was an old woman who approached them, on this beautiful beach where Rey could imagine the Solo family spent happy days with the Damerons before all went wrong. 

”Poe Dameron," the old woman said. “I remember you. I see you’ve bought friends with you. Who are they?”

”Finn,” Finn said. “Just Finn. I’m still figuring out where I came from.”

Rey spoke. “I’m Rey.” A beat, like she was trying to figure out how to define herself. She remembered Exegol. Learning that she wasn’t a nobody — that she had the biggest family in the galaxy. “Rey Skywalker.”


End file.
